Sunday, September 29, 2013 | Posted by Belle |
I guess I have always been like that. Taking it all in, rather than getting to the root of it. And that is exactly what often leads to misunderstandings and much more unhappiness. I can't help but feel all these negative feelings, but I know better than to burden others with them, thus I bottle these emotions up. But just like a cup full of water, it will overflow and that is when I cannot take it anymore leading to me breaking down. I have always thought that by not telling people the whole truth, white lies, would protect them and make them feel better. And I, would rather myself suffer in silence. I guess I was never so wrong. I wonder if it seems to others as the opposite, but I'm bad at expressing my own thoughts and feelings, face to face. I wonder if this is something technology has done to me but I just tend to avoid it. Since smiling is easier than explaining, I end up keeping it all to myself. This of course, leads to nowhere though. I get stuck in the vicious cycle of being paranoid, insecure, despondency, and lastly.. self-doubt. Of course putting myself down isn't exactly what I like to do, but sometimes you just cannot help it. I never wanted to doubt you, to let you feel less important. I'm sorry if I did. It is just so that I tend to be a perfectionist. I hate letting you see any ugly... imperfect side of me. But the truth is, I'm never perfect. Nobody ever was and is. I did not understand how my actions might have left an impact on you, but now I do. Thank you for understanding, and putting up with me. I see how communication is essential to a thriving relationship. I will learn to open up, bit by bit, to share with you my world. And I am thankful to finally understand that both of us value this relationship as much. I'll.. never let you go.